Here is a list of the most annoying things bands and record labels regularly do. Some of them are directly in the music while others are just aesthetic or "other" nuisances.
1- Bonus Tracks Mixed In With the Album
We've all bought an album from one of our favorite bands and taken it home to listen. After about 10 tracks you begin to hear obnoxious half-finished studio doodles. What happened? That was a bonus track.
Bands and record labels like to place bonus tracks (usually either live takes or songs that weren't good enough for the actual album) at the end of the CD to encourage you to buy it (again). They believe that you'll say "Oh, look, there's more songs from my favorite band! I have to hear this." The vast majority of the songs are so bad that you instantly realize why they weren't placed on the album. If you have an extra-scum-bag label/band they'll even give you "alternate takes" or live versions of the songs that are already on the album. Yes, they just gave you two slightly different versions of the same exact thing.
How to fix it: Stop adding the songs on at the end of the album and start adding them on an optional bonus 2nd disk. This way you can add in more than the normal 1-3 tracks, giving the "fans" more studio-doodles and outtakes to listen to.
Screenshot taken from Wikipedia.org - Pictured: One of the few bands that doesn't give you go-nowhere early-takes as bonus tracks.
2 - "Hidden" Tracks
Okay, so you just finished listening to your first Nirvana album. You go to the bathroom to wash your hands for dinner. After about 30 seconds you hear a horrible screeching noise coming out of the CD player. You run into the room only to realize you left the CD player on.
What happened? That was a hidden track. "Hidden Tracks" are another way bands can sneak extra material at you without you even wanting it. Hidden tracks are almost always hidden after about 5-10 minutes of silence at the end of the last song on the album. This means that when you rip the songs onto your computer you're going to have to download (and learn to use) an audio program so that you can separate the song you want and the song you don't.
You could always sacrifice your scrobbles and just not listen to the second half of the song, but no-one wants to do that. Or you could just skip the final song all-together, but that's no fun. If the band is very slimy (Or more "artistic"), then they'll add in about 10 minutes of humming noises (Example: Meshuggah's Elastic) making it impossible for you to separate the songs or even skip the "nearly-silent" part.
Most "Hidden" tracks are either the hardest, fastest or heaviest song on the album, ones that the bands were too afraid to put with the rest of the songs, or weird-pointless studio-wrecks, usually compilations of edited voices, percussion and cricket-noises.
How to fix it: Don't do it.
3 - Interludes
Who hasn't bought an artist's studio-release expecting the 12 song titles to mean that there are actually 12 songs on the album, only to find out that at least one of them is a boring attempt for the musician to be "deep" and "meaningful"?
Defining what is an interlude is fairly difficult. Google dictionary defines it as 4 "a piece of music that is played between other pieces of music" and 5 "a temporary amusement or entertainment that contrasts what goes before or after it."
Not all interludes are bad; Opeth and 2000s Radiohead have been fairly successful with them. Tool, otherwise known as "the band of a million interludes and intros," have not been as successful. Their album "Ænima" is famous for having six interludes and only nine real songs. These include, but are not restricted to, "A man reading a cooking recipe in German with a dark near-industrial beat in the background" and "Weird studio noises that sound like someone falling in space or playing around with the radio".
This includes hip-hop and rap's "Skits" (basically audio-action clips that are supposed to introduce you to a story). Making a hip-hop album that is 22 tracks and only 10 real songs is difficult to listen to (And not in the artistic "Listen to it twice" way). Don't do it.
Short-piano interludes seem to work as long as you don't add "I'm recording this in the back of a moving car on a cassette-player during the rain poetry" in the background.
Interludes usually disrupt the flow of the album. They usually lose any entertainment-value they had by the second and third listens. Interludes are like cut-scenes in video games; they should be shippable after the first play-through. They usually are (I'm sure someone has stuck one right in the middle of a song, but I can't think an example) but that doesn't change the fact that they are terrible pieces of "art" that ruin the album, provide nothing to the atmosphere and often turn-off potential fans.
How to fix it: Before releasing an album filled with chopped-up vocals of poetry being read on the beach, have other people listen to it. Aside from fanboys, most people dislike them.
Checklist (If it has any of these, delete it):
Sometimes bands feel the need attract large amounts of new fans without actually doing anything. This is called be "attention deprived", or just "desperate for money" (Either develop some real talent or get a job). Either way, you have to be pretty pathetic to do it.
Bands release greatest hits, but it usually the record label who starts it. One thing you will notice is that after the band is retired/dead the record label starts milking their brand name for everything it is worth.
Sadly, scenes like this aren't rare.
Greatest Hits are bad because they compromise the art of the album (as in the way it was originally intended to be; without those annoying interludes to add to the atmosphere, or the song-transitions), they usually only have "popular songs" rather than actually good songs (As in, the ones that are the easiest to listen to are the most popular, usually), they usually have "live cuts" and "Alternate takes" of classic songs and they are hardly ever over 12 tracks. Then, on top of all that, they charge full CD price.
How to fix it: Don't do it. And if you are forced to, give as many songs as is possible to fit on one or two CDs and don't give worthless "alternate" versions.
5 - Excessively Long Songs
We've all heard songs that start off great but just keep going and going until you are thoroughly bored and want to leave. Many bands feel the need to do this. Apparently, writing long songs shows how talented a composer you are. It also shows you can't even proof-listen to your own material. Writing a four minute song and stringing it out to 8 minutes isn't fun. It may be fun to play, I don't play an instrument, I wouldn't know, but as a listener I can tell you: It isn't fun to listen to. Even the Beatle's "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" didn't turn out well.
I'm not saying all long songs are bad; not at all. I'm not saying that we should all have short attention-spans and listen to standard-song-structure music. I'm just saying that three minute songs shouldn't be stretched out into an eight minute songs. Genres like jazz, ambient, progressive, drone and atmospheric genres regularly produce 15 minute+ songs that are highly enjoyable. Even some bands that play shorter-song genres can occasionally make a quality longer-song, it just isn't very often.
Riffs get boring after a few minutes. Choruses get boring after being played more than once or twice (especially the "two liners" that play two or three times in the chorus alone, amounting to nearly 10 plays of the chorus per listen to song). Guitar solos aren't exciting after the 1:30 mark.
Rather than being the "Fifteen minute epic" you thought it would be, it will end up being the song the listener chooses to skip every single time they listen to the album.
How to fix it: You have nothing to prove. Writing a ten minute song proves nothing. Take the best material and condense it into something that people beyond the makers can enjoy.
6 -Bands that Refuse to Retire
Sometimes a band will release consecutive five star albums that go on to be classics. After a few years they start to get older and less creative, tensions build up in the band and the quality of their music output decreases. After one or two "bad" albums they say "Hey, we had a good run, we're going to have a farewell tour and then we'll retire", either that or they break up on the spot. Other bands, usually ones who care more for money (from touring and merchandise), refuse to retire or even admit that the quality of their music has changed. Twenty years after their first "tired" album they are still releasing new music every other year. It sounds the same on every single release to the point that they've just created a formula for making their own music.
This sounds like a rare occurrence only pulled off by the dirtiest of all the scum bags, but in reality it is very common. Now for a short list of bands who have done this:
AC/DC
The Rolling Stones
Metallica
U2
Guns N' Roses
Van Halen
Iron Maiden
Pearl Jam
Alice in Chains
Judas Priest
The Cure
Genesis
Rush (Yes, I went there)
Weezer
Pink Floyd (Denial doesn't get us anywhere)
Nas
Guilty.
And even if they don't retire, just stop releasing albums. It isn't nearly as bad to tour and play shows for new fans if you don't constantly tarnish your reputation by releasing dull-pastiches of your former self every three-five years in a cheap-attempt to get more money (and 12 year old fan girls).
The difference between AC/DC and Tom Waits is that Tom Waits changes his sound drastically on virtually every single album, never releasing the thing twice while AC/DC has been making the same album over and over again since the 70s (Even after their lead singer, and the main talent of the band, died).
How to fix it: As a wise man once said "Disband and do something creative".
1- Bonus Tracks Mixed In With the Album
We've all bought an album from one of our favorite bands and taken it home to listen. After about 10 tracks you begin to hear obnoxious half-finished studio doodles. What happened? That was a bonus track.
Bands and record labels like to place bonus tracks (usually either live takes or songs that weren't good enough for the actual album) at the end of the CD to encourage you to buy it (again). They believe that you'll say "Oh, look, there's more songs from my favorite band! I have to hear this." The vast majority of the songs are so bad that you instantly realize why they weren't placed on the album. If you have an extra-scum-bag label/band they'll even give you "alternate takes" or live versions of the songs that are already on the album. Yes, they just gave you two slightly different versions of the same exact thing.
How to fix it: Stop adding the songs on at the end of the album and start adding them on an optional bonus 2nd disk. This way you can add in more than the normal 1-3 tracks, giving the "fans" more studio-doodles and outtakes to listen to.
2 - "Hidden" Tracks
Okay, so you just finished listening to your first Nirvana album. You go to the bathroom to wash your hands for dinner. After about 30 seconds you hear a horrible screeching noise coming out of the CD player. You run into the room only to realize you left the CD player on.
What happened? That was a hidden track. "Hidden Tracks" are another way bands can sneak extra material at you without you even wanting it. Hidden tracks are almost always hidden after about 5-10 minutes of silence at the end of the last song on the album. This means that when you rip the songs onto your computer you're going to have to download (and learn to use) an audio program so that you can separate the song you want and the song you don't.
You could always sacrifice your scrobbles and just not listen to the second half of the song, but no-one wants to do that. Or you could just skip the final song all-together, but that's no fun. If the band is very slimy (Or more "artistic"), then they'll add in about 10 minutes of humming noises (Example: Meshuggah's Elastic) making it impossible for you to separate the songs or even skip the "nearly-silent" part.
Most "Hidden" tracks are either the hardest, fastest or heaviest song on the album, ones that the bands were too afraid to put with the rest of the songs, or weird-pointless studio-wrecks, usually compilations of edited voices, percussion and cricket-noises.
How to fix it: Don't do it.
3 - Interludes
Who hasn't bought an artist's studio-release expecting the 12 song titles to mean that there are actually 12 songs on the album, only to find out that at least one of them is a boring attempt for the musician to be "deep" and "meaningful"?
Defining what is an interlude is fairly difficult. Google dictionary defines it as 4 "a piece of music that is played between other pieces of music" and 5 "a temporary amusement or entertainment that contrasts what goes before or after it."
Not all interludes are bad; Opeth and 2000s Radiohead have been fairly successful with them. Tool, otherwise known as "the band of a million interludes and intros," have not been as successful. Their album "Ænima" is famous for having six interludes and only nine real songs. These include, but are not restricted to, "A man reading a cooking recipe in German with a dark near-industrial beat in the background" and "Weird studio noises that sound like someone falling in space or playing around with the radio".
This includes hip-hop and rap's "Skits" (basically audio-action clips that are supposed to introduce you to a story). Making a hip-hop album that is 22 tracks and only 10 real songs is difficult to listen to (And not in the artistic "Listen to it twice" way). Don't do it.
Short-piano interludes seem to work as long as you don't add "I'm recording this in the back of a moving car on a cassette-player during the rain poetry" in the background.
Interludes usually disrupt the flow of the album. They usually lose any entertainment-value they had by the second and third listens. Interludes are like cut-scenes in video games; they should be shippable after the first play-through. They usually are (I'm sure someone has stuck one right in the middle of a song, but I can't think an example) but that doesn't change the fact that they are terrible pieces of "art" that ruin the album, provide nothing to the atmosphere and often turn-off potential fans.
How to fix it: Before releasing an album filled with chopped-up vocals of poetry being read on the beach, have other people listen to it. Aside from fanboys, most people dislike them.
Checklist (If it has any of these, delete it):
- Does not provide to atmosphere
- More than one per five songs (Every six songs can have one interlude) - Not recommended
- Poetry being read in the back of the car
- "Creepy" noises
- Studio-created noises that sound like you put the radio between two stations during a tornado
- Clips of people talking
- Anything over four minutes (This, of course, depends on what you're doing).
- Readings of literature
- Poetry of any kind
- Voices of any kind (Though, this is subjective)
- Tracks that disrupt the flow of the album
- Things that sound like they're spinning or falling
- Things that you think sound "cool"
- Things that the rest of the band thinks sounds "Cool"
- In the middle of a song
- Directly before songs of completely different moods (This one can be maneuvered by intelligent song-writing, AKA a good intro).
- Repetitive tracks (Even short ones)
- Non-musical studio sounds (People laughing, chairs-creaking).
- Ten second bursts of horns or saxophones, as if we'd never heard the instrument before.
- Covers of classical music
- Weather Sounds
- Things being played backwards (Treefingers, Radiohead, is a good counter-example).
- Things that sound like the Residents
- Clips from live shows or interviews
- Tracks with "Silly" names.
- "Funny" tracks
Sometimes bands feel the need attract large amounts of new fans without actually doing anything. This is called be "attention deprived", or just "desperate for money" (Either develop some real talent or get a job). Either way, you have to be pretty pathetic to do it.
Bands release greatest hits, but it usually the record label who starts it. One thing you will notice is that after the band is retired/dead the record label starts milking their brand name for everything it is worth.
Sadly, scenes like this aren't rare.
Greatest Hits are bad because they compromise the art of the album (as in the way it was originally intended to be; without those annoying interludes to add to the atmosphere, or the song-transitions), they usually only have "popular songs" rather than actually good songs (As in, the ones that are the easiest to listen to are the most popular, usually), they usually have "live cuts" and "Alternate takes" of classic songs and they are hardly ever over 12 tracks. Then, on top of all that, they charge full CD price.
How to fix it: Don't do it. And if you are forced to, give as many songs as is possible to fit on one or two CDs and don't give worthless "alternate" versions.
5 - Excessively Long Songs
We've all heard songs that start off great but just keep going and going until you are thoroughly bored and want to leave. Many bands feel the need to do this. Apparently, writing long songs shows how talented a composer you are. It also shows you can't even proof-listen to your own material. Writing a four minute song and stringing it out to 8 minutes isn't fun. It may be fun to play, I don't play an instrument, I wouldn't know, but as a listener I can tell you: It isn't fun to listen to. Even the Beatle's "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" didn't turn out well.
I'm not saying all long songs are bad; not at all. I'm not saying that we should all have short attention-spans and listen to standard-song-structure music. I'm just saying that three minute songs shouldn't be stretched out into an eight minute songs. Genres like jazz, ambient, progressive, drone and atmospheric genres regularly produce 15 minute+ songs that are highly enjoyable. Even some bands that play shorter-song genres can occasionally make a quality longer-song, it just isn't very often.
Riffs get boring after a few minutes. Choruses get boring after being played more than once or twice (especially the "two liners" that play two or three times in the chorus alone, amounting to nearly 10 plays of the chorus per listen to song). Guitar solos aren't exciting after the 1:30 mark.
Rather than being the "Fifteen minute epic" you thought it would be, it will end up being the song the listener chooses to skip every single time they listen to the album.
How to fix it: You have nothing to prove. Writing a ten minute song proves nothing. Take the best material and condense it into something that people beyond the makers can enjoy.
6 -Bands that Refuse to Retire
Sometimes a band will release consecutive five star albums that go on to be classics. After a few years they start to get older and less creative, tensions build up in the band and the quality of their music output decreases. After one or two "bad" albums they say "Hey, we had a good run, we're going to have a farewell tour and then we'll retire", either that or they break up on the spot. Other bands, usually ones who care more for money (from touring and merchandise), refuse to retire or even admit that the quality of their music has changed. Twenty years after their first "tired" album they are still releasing new music every other year. It sounds the same on every single release to the point that they've just created a formula for making their own music.
This sounds like a rare occurrence only pulled off by the dirtiest of all the scum bags, but in reality it is very common. Now for a short list of bands who have done this:
AC/DC
The Rolling Stones
Metallica
U2
Guns N' Roses
Van Halen
Iron Maiden
Pearl Jam
Alice in Chains
Judas Priest
The Cure
Genesis
Rush (Yes, I went there)
Weezer
Pink Floyd (Denial doesn't get us anywhere)
Nas
And even if they don't retire, just stop releasing albums. It isn't nearly as bad to tour and play shows for new fans if you don't constantly tarnish your reputation by releasing dull-pastiches of your former self every three-five years in a cheap-attempt to get more money (and 12 year old fan girls).
The difference between AC/DC and Tom Waits is that Tom Waits changes his sound drastically on virtually every single album, never releasing the thing twice while AC/DC has been making the same album over and over again since the 70s (Even after their lead singer, and the main talent of the band, died).
How to fix it: As a wise man once said "Disband and do something creative".
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